I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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