so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
