By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
