he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
