when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
