had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
