Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
