Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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