thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
