That's intense
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
