I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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