GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
