So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize