She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
