i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
