Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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