there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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