i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
