i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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