I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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