I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
