we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
