Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
