I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
operation have a gay friend backfired
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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