Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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