Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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