Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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