He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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