4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
