The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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