I want to make a zoo with you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
