Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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