he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
