then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize