Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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