so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
