u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
