and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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