Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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