Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
