I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
