Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
