Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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