I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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