We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
