it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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