you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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