If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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