I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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