i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
