it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
