between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
