the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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