shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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