Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
