I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
