the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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