Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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