So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
