remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
