so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
