Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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