my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bring me that man meat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
