I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
