I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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