You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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