you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
its liver damage thursday
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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