where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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