I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
