i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
