he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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