gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
