He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
