I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
